alot i want to post but right now need to break it down more so I know what to really say first.

Now that we have a show for the on stage theater geeks. Where is the techie show?

“Do you really think you’re good enough to try?
Do you really think you’re old enough to die?
Don’t you really want to keep your sanity?
You don’t really want your own identity.
Take a number, wait in line, and you’ll be served.
All of this is really more than you deserve.
Don’t you worry ’bout the kind of life you’ll lead.
It’s all you need.”

I really need to get started on Apps soon. I know where I want to apply. I am just worried it will be a repeat of stout where I end up at a school I hate because its where will take me. I know that is silly but I still have it in the back of my mind. And I know not doing it will cripple me later when it comes time to look at them for real and deside where to even live next year.

Four bottles
One white
Gives us
Life

Three bottles
One green
gives us
the zeal
to carry on
when things
get rough

two bottles
one red
gives us
the passion
to live

one bottle
blacks as night
takes from us
life

Thoughts from the worried about his job.
If you train someone to do what you do are you already amitting that you a just a cog ready to be replaced at any time?
If you admit that how do you face the day and go about doing this training?
When your done do you move to the side and let fate take over or do you see what you can do about it.
If you just let fate happen what do you do when things start going in a way that your only choises are ones you dont overly like anymore for the feeling that you are just a cog?

This entry will be short as I dont have a ton of time.  I had fun at convergance on the whole. Even with the fail parts. NOw I am in KY alone for  a while this on the other hand really sucks. I wish I could say it was good but it really isnt. I mean I will likely get to 40 hours this week or close to it. But that is the only up side. While time to go to the office. Take care all.

I leave it to you those on my friends list. What should I do with my summer. I am just looking for ideas so keep me interested. Anything will be given atleast an answer.

Sometimes my loud music makes me wonder why I listen to it this loud. Also things that make me wonder why no matter what I have no contact with my ex's and why I love black leather boots. Any one got answers?

Tonight was really fun. I dont have much more to say to that. Well good day.

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Its been a while. i am working on a new set of rants comming up soonish. Tonight was my first breakdown in a while it just wraped up. Its hard to explane how they work for me but this is something I want to try to do. my mind is normally running 100 miles an hour and when it slows and focus its hard as all fuck for me to get over. I work and work and I snap. I will use tonight as a case in point. I was working on the cabling for my stero. For some reason I couldnt get the cord to work. I just tryed everything then couldent get it to work then it seemed that it was a good time to start to cry over. If I understood this I would try and do something about it. I have been told its all just a facet of the ADD but I call bullshit there. I am the only one i know of that does that. I dont know what to do. I mean the new meds are helping hold them back but when they come its like the lake delton thing you never know where its going to break or what ever. Yes I know this isnt a fun life update but deal.

time for some rambling.
I am on a new med to help with the anxity stuff. Right now that is the worst it has been in a long time. I want to do something but I don't want to do it alone. I know I crazy but I didn't think it was this bad before. I mean I should be able to do things with out having someone there to support me. I don't know what is going on in my head. I am either on top of the world or like this. the lack of being able to go out and get some air is really getting to me hard. I am used to being able to say shit hits the fan just stuff the gear you need and run but now I cant do that. I know that was bad before but I couldn't help it. I am now reliseing that I almost broke down over some silly shit yesterday and that is something I was over. I feel control slipping away. I mean my temper is gone almost dead. I am losing that fire in my belly. I used to be someone that would just hunt for a fight to prove I was alive. The feeling of a punch to the ribs was better then anything I new at the time and it is still high up there. Not for the pain but for knowing I can take it and walk on. I don't now how I became this soft person. I don't know what did it. I am not sure it's a good or bad thing.
I have been writing more but its odd I used to belive in never get rid of anything. Now if I write something and don't like it or its too personal I burn it. That isn’t a normal thing to do. I don't know why I am ranting like this to a computer rather then to a person. I don't kknow.
I know I need to be there for my friends. I know I cant let them go thur some things alone if only because I know how hard they are to do that way. I don't know why I don't get out more other then not knowing anyone. I should just go for what I want to do. I mean whats the worst that happens I end up back here.
I should stop to save your friend pages.

While this is a goodish day. A paper that I thought was late isnt late at all.